onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
