I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize