Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
As shirtless as possible
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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