i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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