Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
