Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
