Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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