He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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