im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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