Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
