pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
