You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
