how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
