Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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