we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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