i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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