Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
