So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
