Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
