My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
