Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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