Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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