You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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