chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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