oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Alive.
So much puke
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
