First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
