How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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