This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
