The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
