That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do vagina's smell?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
