Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
