drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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