That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
