Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
