after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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