So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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