69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
