thus making me awesome and them whores
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize