I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
