According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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