Sober January is a disaster.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
