Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
