return my video game
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize