I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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