do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
