This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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