Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
