i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
