I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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