So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
