i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
