I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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