Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
