when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
