Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
