Girls should come with a carfax report
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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