I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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