Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
