i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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