Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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