Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
