Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
