I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize