I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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